I Have Zero (Waste) Guilt

Do you know what blows my mind?

Coffee cups. People consume coffee everyday, a well known fact, and (financial disarray aside) according to Google, people are tossing out around 600 billion coffee cups each year. Which means around 600 billion coffee lids too — what???

The thing is, it’s so normal. We don’t really know it any differently, that’s always how it’s been. Until Libs introduced bringing in your own travel mug to save something like 10c. Seriously what good does that do to remind people to bring their own cup?

When I was in fourth-grade we went to this Old Sacramento like “miner town” kind of situation/place for an overnight stay to learn more about the gold rush, which was super fun. We slept in sleeping bags. One thing that was really neat though was that we had to wear a cup with a handle (or basically a lightweight mug) and string around our neck so we could drink water, eat cornbread out of it like a bowl, etc.

It made so much sense to me then, and while it wouldn’t be very fashionable in this day and age, it’s pretty practical to keep a cup or mug on hand for similar reasons. Or at least a full set of utensils. For some reasons small memories like that really stick around, but for some other reason, I had to take Calculus 1 three times.

But do you ever think about really tragically random things — like movie sets: where all these refreshments and tall stacks of coffee cups are present at all times, always being used, tossed, and restocked? Or at a frat house in the “frat row” block of Channing Street in Berkeley, and how many red cups are littered, stomped on, or full of odd substances left out on a fence for neighborhood animals to get into? Do you ever think about where those end up? And then have you considered multiplying that number by X amount of colleges that inhabit men in frat houses across the United States? And then multiply again by 3–4 drinking events per week. My heart is beating fast, I’m getting anxiety writing this.

It’s a frustrating existence.

I’ll admit I spent the larger part of my conscious life not only aware, but concerned, about waste production. It’s so normal to see everything contained within plastic. It was, and still is, a basic human expectation and a way of life.

We see this as comforting for many reasons: attractive marketing, a sense of relief that our product is sanitary, and ultimately the product is easily contained and unlikely to cause a mess. Overall, it MaKeS sEnSe.

Except when you consider plastic alternatives.

Plastic shopping bags: replace with paper bags. Cereal, granola, candy, small snacks: no packaging necessary — buy in bulk. There are mason jars, beeswax bags and containers, silicone washable and reusable “bags”.

Okay what about chips, hot drinks, yogurt? Paper containers with wax lining (most waxes are compostable) instead of being lined with plastic. Hot food should always be provided in bulk in compostable boxes that are also wax lined, as to not leak or bleed through the packaging. There’s so many ways to reimagine the packaging for so many products.

Making waves? No thanks Libs!!

My point being, there are alternatives.

And if your angle is sanitation — that’s a really good point. Only recently was I made aware of the actual reason behind product freshness seals. In the 1980’s, bottles of Tylenol were infiltrated and filled with cyanide. Jesus. Protective foil is no joke, and in general an unconsciously reassuring safety measurement. I’d like the record to reflect that. So as much as I want to respect the sanctity of people’s peace of mind, I need to make sure people recognize how this adds up over time.

Let’s talk about the Zero Waste movement.

In theory, it’s a beautiful way to learn to reduce and reuse what you have. In practice, it’s a nightmare. Have you been able to go to a grocery store (and don’t say Berkeley Bowl) where things aren’t suffocated by plastic? Even pasta packaged in cardboard boxes usually have a plastic film window (of course to make sure the pasta is awake, you wouldn’t want the inconvenience of purchasing pasta that’s asleep). And cheese? Pre-shredded or in bulk, 100% of the time will be wrapped in plastic or a plastic-waxy form.

Living Zero Waste means acquiring the set of principles focused on waste prevention, number one, and number two, reimagining product life cycles to be circular instead of heading straight to the landfill.

We are what we eat.

The thing is, though, waste is so unimaginably abundant in society and in the larger world, you can take a microscope and find microplastics and debris in your drinking water. And in first world developed countries, I actually found out today we are all busting microplastics out our behinds. We eat, breathe, and ultimately sh*t plastic. The year is 2021.

The idea, again, is really great. But in society we’re not exactly granted the privilege of going zero waste. Retail associates are instructed to give out paper or plastic bags in order to freely advertise their brand. Sanitation is generally poor — you’d probably rather buy a water bottle rather than use a public water fountain. Especially after Covid.

I go to Trader Joes and all of their produce is packaged. I showed up there recently and for some reason I thought that all of their produce was accessible by using the compost vegetable bags (super great for reusing in your compost bin at home), but all the stuff I like to eat typically — beans, broccoli, kale, carrots — are always prepackaged. It’s like they don’t trust us or something. Also, I noticed my vegetables don’t last as long when they’re precut, which adds to the annoyance.

It’s hard to influence a nearly impossible task.

I don’t want to be a jerk, but those people who do the “Zero Waste Challenge” — where they only produce an amount of waste that fits within a 16 ounce mason jar — are liars LOL. I’ve only ever read articles about women and I’m sorry, but I can see you wearing makeup in your videos. Are you telling me there’s a zero waste bulk store that sells mascara and non-plastic applicators by the pound that I’ve never heard of? Traditional mascara — to the best of my knowledge — comes in tiny -4 ounce containers.

There are plot holes everywhere. And it occurred to me that those challenges might as well be free advertising for menstrual cups, because I also don’t see any tampons or pads in there. Not that I want to see it, actually, but I would still respect that person for being real about the whole thing.

Okay so now you probably have a decent size dose of reality. Zero Waste = good idea, but hard to uphold standards.

Wow, sounds like a mess.

I spout negativity now, and I constantly feel frustrated with “SuStAiNaBiLiTy” but really, I live and breathe it. I tried to my best ability to be zero waste multiple times. It almost always ended in a scenario where I was at a grocery store that didn’t have compostable produce bags, no bulk options, and 99% of the rest of the store was wrapped in plastic. You tell yourself, “Okay, I recognize that my back is up against the wall now. I either bite the bullet and admit I’m a fraud, or actually eat soup for the rest of my life.” I try to make up for it with waste management. But I really just created a circular argument, didn’t I?

To make things better (in my head), I uphold waste management as my — and therefore my housemate’s, my family’s, and now my partner’s household’s — standard of living.

“HEY! Where do you think this pizza box goes? Do you think ranch is recyclable?”

“I JUST put up new signs above each individual waste bin, did you even READ them?”

“Okay WHO did this — ”

You get the picture. I’m awful to everyone because I hate myself for my own consumer habits. I have other good qualities.

But the question is still:

What do I do with all this plastic?

I hate feeling anxious when I open the garbage bin lid in my kitchen. I still sort through recycling and garbage to ensure they’re in the right bins, and of course remind housemates for the umpteenth time that paper towels — while made of paper — are not recyclable, but compostable. I’m fine taking out the compost, but that’s basically the extent of my trash duties.

As long as Americans continue to stick their foot in to push down all the other plastic to make more room for more plastic, I will continue to feel this way. And at this point it feels like I should have told my therapist about that last part, I have to wonder if others feel this way too.